...I'm in an airport making my way to the terminal for a flight to Japan. My family and I just got back from Italy and were rushing to make the connection. Most of my luggage is already on the plane, I just have my carry on with me.
I get stopped by security for a random bag check and I make some random flippant comment about how I'm not a terrorist. The guards don't appreciated this and tear through my carry on like they were Rosie O'Donnell and my bag was an Eli's Cheesecake.
My Aunt and I get to the terminal. And wouldn't you know it? I can't find my ticket! Those damn security officers must of misplaced it when they were rifling through my sh!t. The ticketing agent says they can't let me through without a ticket. I tell my Aunt to go ahead and to tell my Grandma I'll be at home when she get's back.
I then tear into these agents telling them about what losers they are and how they don't have the right to break up families because of some over zealous security guard. I get applauses from spectators that have started to gather. I then tell them to take my luggage off of the plane, because I figure if I'm not going I'm going to delay the flight for everybody else, including my family. The agents fly off the handle but they know they have to give me my luggage.
So like an hour later I get my luggage and I light into them again. People are clapping and cheering as if they always wanted to stand up to the Big Evil Travel Giant but never had the voice. I am That Voice. Then once I get my luggage I just leave it in the middle of the pedestrian walk way knowing what havoc an unattended bag would cause the airport staff. I walk off with my hand held high in a closed fist singing "Glory, glory, Hallelujiah" and the crowd joins in.
I then go to the car rental agency and explain to them the situation and ask them to give me a car and to bill the airline. The car agent agrees and gives me a Honda Civic. I'm in Arizona, or maybe its Texas, I have to get Pennsylvania in 24 hours but there's this BBQ contest in Austin I don't want to miss...
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3 comments:
Of all the people you stand up to in a dream? Airport security? You did just come from London. Any airport turmoil?
No. It was remarkably easy.
We literally just grabbed our bags off and walked through the line marked "Nothing to claim". There were two customs guys standing way back eyeing the crowd that walked through the line, but all of those people walked through customs without having to talk to anyone. I'm assuming they x-rayed the bags prior, otherwise anybody walking through those lines could've been carrying a couple kilos of blow.
No stippers or pills of ecstacy?
I'm glad my dreams aren't that boring.
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