Friday, February 16, 2007

Friday Goals

1. So I've been threatened three times in the last two days with lawsuits...my only response was to give all three of them my business card with my cell phone number on it and tell them to go ahead and have their lawyers call me...then to go fuck themselves. (See Goal #4)

2. So Allentown, PA is probably (other than Columbus, Ohio) the worst place on earth. Real World, Allentown: When inbreds stop being polite, and start getting retarded. (See Goals 1, 2 and 4)

3. So I take the Volvo in to get a oil change and new power steering fluid on Tuesday, I get a rental and everything's fine...then we get a day long ice storm and I can't get to the dealership...not a huge deal until today, when I want to pick it up...I talk to "Tim the customer service dbag" and this is what he says:
"Well, sir. We have a bit of an issue...while I was moving your car into the service area today to have it washed, the moonroof shattered."
Skurny: "Perfect. You have got to be FUCKING kidding me."

4. Fast forward 15 minutes from Goal #3:
Terminated employee (we'll call him "Mr. Unemployed") and his terminated wife (we'll call her, "Mrs. Unemployed" come into the office:
Mr. Unemployed: "IF MY CHECK ISN'T AT MY HOUSE BY NEXT FRIDAY I'M GOING TO COME BACK HERE AND KICK YOUR DOOR DOWN! I'M GOING TO CALL OUR LAWYER AND HE'S GOING TO CALL YOU AND FUCK THIS PLACE, etc"
Bossman Skurny (remaining very calm): "Here is my business card with all applicable contact information. Please have him or her give me a call at their convienence, I'll be waiting."
Mr. Unemployed: "THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOING TO SAY? YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT! THIS IS BULLSHIT!"
Bossman Skury: "Sir, you and Mrs. Unemployed were terminated for Absenteeism. That means you weren't here when you were supposed to be. Like today for instance. You called and said that neither of you could come in because of childcare issues. Yet, when I call you and tell you that you're fired, you're here within 20 minutes. Where are your children? Do you understand why you're being terminated? Have I not made this clear enough for you?"
Mr. Unemployed: "You're a dick, meng! This whole place is BULLSHIT!"
Skurny: "Sir, maam, this has been really nice but I'm sorry...you're going to have to leave now. I'm really going to enjoy fighting and winning your unemployment case...see you in court!"

Then security escorted each of them out of the building, slapped their pictures on the wall and gave them the 'ol lifetime ban.

My job is a trip. Can I start drinking yet?

6 comments:

jnicho5 said...

Angry White Man got fired today?

(rim shot)

AngryWhiteMan said...

What would make you think that? I got this place by the balls with my dick in its ass.

jnicho5 said...

So you got Jill in her favorite position again?

(rim shot)

Brown Buddy said...

wow. The visual alone was disturbing enough that I think I need a cold shower now....

Skurny said...

Well that post is officially the most disgusting post yet.

I'm going to throw up now.

Brown Buddy said...

and I blame you, Skurvy