Monday, July 16, 2007

Anus -- by J.O.B.

1) I can't effing take a dump. Nearly three stinking days. I'm 97% sure that it's because my diet has essentially eliminated a lot of fiber. Not on purpose, I just haven't been getting any. I've never really been constipated before as the task is usually pretty simple, but Jesus H. man, I just sit there pushing and pushing till my frigging legs fall asleep or I'm so bored playing "Bubble Breaker" on my phone I start to pass out. I think it's either prunes or Ex-Lax tonight. All I know is at some point I'm making some porcelain pay.

2) The Bulls signed Joe Smith. Great, another guy known for ... crap, I don't know what Joe Smith is known for other than costing the T'Wolves draft picks and somehow not costing Kevin McHale his job. Good Lord, his name is more average than his game. 8.5 points and 6.5 boards a game? Well, our low post scoring issue is solved! This guy averaged a whole TWO more points than P.J. Brown. Word is Tyrus Thomas has added the mid-range jumper to his game, sometimes not leaving the gym till he hits 700. He dazzled in the summer league because of this added dimension. I can only pray that he takes the starting spot by mid-season.

3) Went to a baptism for my Godson yesterday. It was a good old fashioned South Side Southern Baptist service. What does this mean? 2.5 hours of church with 10 minute prayers that lead to outbursts of old Negro spirituals that I definitely didn't have a hymn book for. Lots of clapping to praise Him, about 4 different kinds of offerings, old ladies catching the vapors and saying "Yes, yes, Lord" and loudly finishing the passages that the reverend was saying, seemingly to let you know that they know the word, just in case you weren't sure. Of course the choir kicked butt and the reverend's sermon ended in a rhyming hip-hop fashion. It was a blast!

4) This PSA says it all (hits the nail right on the head at about the 1:30 mark, but the whole thing is priceles): http://youtube.com/watch?v=agK2uZBNbnU

4 comments:

Brown Buddy said...

I want constant updates on what I will now refer to as Poopgate. As soon as you clear your bowels, I better see a post immediately. Maybe even a camera phone picture...

Brown Buddy said...

Ok, so maybe he's not Kobe, but Joe Smith isn't completely putrid, and they aren't paying all that much for him. Whats wrong with a little depth?

Skurny said...

I'm glad they got another 6'9 guy who can "run the floor" and "do the small things"

J.ust O.ver B.roke said...

Eck-friggin-zactly! If basketball were fractions, the Bulls might have enough small things players to make one big things player, but it's not. I just hope that Tyrus summer league hype translates into Oct-June performance.