Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Attempt To Recreate A Bit -- by J.O.B.

So a major part of the goals post that got erased yesterday was a review of three movies that I saw over the last week that weren't named Transformers. I was slick and witty the first time, but we'll see how I do in a scratch recreation.

"Next" - The title says it all. Jessica Biel is once again the only reason to watch a movie and she's only marginal in this. It is impossible to buy the Biel/Cage matchup and the way he makes it happen is about as lame/deceptive as it gets. I know there are a lot of Cage fans out there, but I he's real hit or miss with me. Lord Of War - hit. Face/Off - hit. Snake Eyes - miss. Next - not even close. Biel is essentially a plot device but why she helps it along in the way she does is not only unexplained, but doesn't make sense. Any movie that tries to deal with the space-time continuum will potentially collapse on itself with plot holes and insane presumptions and this movie doesn't disappoint. To top it off, the attempt at a swerve ending simply pisses you off, and the movie seems to stop simply because it knows if it goes any further your head will explode.

"Trust The Man" - Why didn't this movie make more money? It was funny, fun and lighthearted and I enjoyed the heck out of it. David Duchovny actually plays a cool house-husband, Billy Crudup is funny, Maggie Gyllenhaal looks like a normal woman (who tainted the gene pool in between her and Jake's birth?) and Julianne Moore is nearly as attractive as the Boogie Nights days (you know she's your secret MILF crush.) I think it got trashed because Eva Mendes only has an extended cameo and something happens, or rather doesn't happen with her in the movie that no man in his right mind believes wouldn't happen. Either way, I was thoroughly entertained.

"Little Children" - I can't believe I'm writing this, but everything about being a house husband that Duchovny makes cool and slick in the above movie, Patrick Wilson makes lame and ball-less in this one. You can just tell that this was a movie made by Hollywood people based on their assumption of what potentially goes down in modern day suburbia. I know some people think Kate Winslet is hot, but in comparison to whom? Well let's put it this way - would you rather see her or Jennifer Connelly naked in a movie? Sadly enough, this movie doesn't give you that choice. What's worse is that you watch the first two hours and twenty minutes (!) of this movie watching all the elements of a tragedy come together only to not get a tragic payoff!!! Stuff was happening in the movie where I was like, "oh crap, this is going to totally blow up," and instead nothing happened. In fact, this movie didn't solve any of the problems it presented. This is okay when intended, but this movie didn't set it up that way.

So Next and Little Children sucked, and Trust The Man is better than advertised. I think I'm prepared to start a regular series of reviews on here. It will probably get me to pay tighter attention to movies and get a little more critical, but I'll try and make sure I'm looking at them in their intended perspective and not solely from the pulpit of critic. *cough* Roger Ebert *cough* I've got Gray Matters (Roller Girl and Tom Brady's Babymomma) and A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints (Sam Witwicky and Iron Man) at the house right now. I've also got 28 Weeks Later and Hot Fuzz, the latter of which I saw in the theater and have the screener DVD of.

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