Monday, August 20, 2007

Random Rants -- by J.O.B.

I know, I just posted goals after taking many days off ... who does that? :cough: jnicho :cough: Whatever, at least we still effing post (where are you three - Hairspray has been in theaters for weeks, so I know you're not still waiting in line at the multiplex?!?) Anyway, there are some things that have been on my mind, and as you may know, I love to randomly rant, so here I go. This should become a regular series, but considering how good I am at updating movie reviews, I doubt it. Yeah.

- White ladies of the south suburbs and southwest side of Chicago: stop feathering your GD hair! What salon are you going to that still does this for you and do they have that red, white and blue spiraling thing out front? There is no age group this looks good on and you are not frontrunning it's comeback. TVLand doesn't even have shows on that are old enough to feature this "do" as stylish.

- Driving while on cell phone people #1: Get in the far right lane! Contrary to most drivers, I don't care if you yap while driving somewhere - I do it too. However, if you check your spedometer while arranging where you plan on meeting your gay lover for the buttsecks and see that you're not even doing the maximum, put your effing blinker on and move your '86 Escort wagon with the boost gauges on the A-pillar over to the right lane. You're holding up my life.

- Driving while on cell phone people #2: Stop holding the phone in your left hand while driving. If you can't drive with your left hand while on the phone, you can't drive while on the phone. Visibility while on the phone in the car is reduced bad enough as is, but to further block what amounts to your most limited viewing area already is just asking for trouble. I've had morons who swerve so close to me because they can't judge their lane due to left ear phone placement that I can hear your Dad tell you how he can't wait to put his ham hands down your pants tonight. Get the phone in your right hand or put it down.

- People that answer calls that aren't for them: If I call and ask if someone is there and the name of the person I ask for isn't spelled or sounds exactly like yours, no need to ask me if I'd like to speak to the person who's presence I'm inquiring about. The fact I'm asking means I want to talk to them. Either, "yeah, hold on," or "sorry, he's out hiding the body" will do.

- Store clerks: Eat the frigging penny. I know that maintaining that high-profile position at the local Citgo is vital to the betterment of the planet, but I intently believe that just giving me two dimes as change instead of meticulously counting out those last four pennies will not put your drawer in such a vital state of disarray that Rajitma will fire you. Jesus H., he's probably your brother anyway ...

More to come at some point when my head stops bleeding from my repeated slamming of it against my bedroom wall...

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