Monday, November 26, 2007

Back To Real Goals -- by J.O.B.

1) Get Dan Dierdorf a thesaurus, a dictionary, or both. What the eff is "happenchance?" I mean, he literally paused briefly as he was ending the word "happen" and then somewhere in his lispy head realized that trying to tongue and lip out "stance" to finish it off would probably drown his partner in the booth, so he went to "chance." Guess what happenchance means? Wait for it ... it means happenstance. That's right, my reasoning for his choice of c-h-ance over s-t-ance is lisp saving purposes. He also referred to something that someone did as "superlative" instead of using a superlative to describe the action. Yeah, it can be used that way, but no one ever has. Ever.

2) Consider slicing off and then regenerating my own finger. I know, sounds crazy but not only did the story make Esquire, but other online searches for Acell and submucosa information make me a believer.

3) Locate someone who has the NFL Network. I have zero plans to miss out on the Packers-Cowboys tilt this Thursday. I want to see the potential losers of the next Super Bowl square off and I don't have the channel.

4) Find a way to solve the writer's strike. I hardly even watch scripted television and I'm starting to recognize some shows are repeats. If I see Howie Mandel talking about the short distance between the doorway and the guest chair on the Chelsea Handler show one more time, I'm going to beat a kid. Not my kid, but just some kid at random.

1 comment:

Brown Buddy said...

...and here's the first comment in almost 2 full weeks! Where the fuck is everyone??

JOB- I've got DirecTV, and subsequently, the NFL network. More than welcome to come watch at my pad. We should hopefully have a new keg in the kegerator by then.