Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Who Is That Guy? -- by J.O.B.

I'm back like NKOTB, bishes! All but the Suburban Stallion have seen me in recent weeks and have a clue as to why I was MIA, but for those of you (that's you, Neil Patrick Naugle) that don't know, here are a couple of reasons:

1) I was detained by Homeland Security for my ever-growing stockpile of weapondry (I added the 'd' for 'drama'.) For some reason they thought that I was formulating some kind of militia based around various conspiracy theories. Boy were they off ... still though - stockpile weapons now.

2) I punched 8 more people awkwardly, thus obtaining 8 more battered and shattered knuckles to pair with the 2 I have, rendering me unable to perform normal typing duties. Of the 8, 4 were cab drivers, 2 were frat guys, 1 was a woman with nads and the last was Cohn, or maybe that guy was one of those fire hydrants they paint white ... can't tell the difference, really.

3) I returned to a position at AIU and felt ashamed to tell anyone about it. Nah, you know that isn't true. I mean, why would any of us leave AIU and end up working in admissions for another online style university?

4) Darrin Banks invited me to move to Atlanta but invoked the mighty "no wives, no girlfriends" clause. I took it to heart and since I consider this blog to be my mistress, I didn't dare come here to post. Darrin then fell asleep in the car on our drive down, I dove out, but he crashed and burned to ash and I just walked back up here.

3 comments:

jnicho5 said...

Bar none - goal 3 is the funniest goals ever. Posted by anyone.

Brown Buddy said...

I concur...though I must say "...and AWM wants to know if you're going to eat the rest of that" is near the top for me

Skurny said...

Queensryche