Sunday, December 30, 2007

Needs Me Some '08 -- by J.O.B.

Ah, we're coming down to the end of another year, the start of another year, and I couldn't be more excited. To celebrate, I'd like to list off some things I'm over and don't really need to hear or see about again ...

1) Cars with fake portholes. This barely looks good on the Buick's that started and recently resurrected the trend, but don't slap it on your Charger to try and pass it off as classy. Anyone who knows what a porthole would even be useful for knows it doesn't belong on your car.

2) Coaches that bolt programs or situations too quickly. How many times do you think you can do that before none of your new players expect you to be there in 18 months and then don't perform for you? There is such a thing as creating a tradition at your current school instead of trying to reclaim one for another. Kudos to you Greg Schiano (sp? who cares) at Rutgers. Bobby Petrino, I hope you get dick cancer.

3) Lumping all forms of electronically created music spun by DJ's into one category. Lumping house and trance music together because they're created with the same tools is like lumping death metal and blues together because they both use guitars.

4) At least one of Chicago's baseball teams being sub-par every year. The expansion of the playoffs has meant more trips to the postseason recently (5 in the last 10 years and a World Series to boot,) but they're never both good in the same year. Can we at least get the threat of a Cubs-Sox Series?

5) The fascination with car-exit-crotch-shots. As hetero as I am, in allllllll of my research, I've yet to see one of these that actually did something for me. It just looks awkward. However, the braless-sheer-black-top shots are free to continue as usual.

6) The 1972 Dolphins ... especially Mercury Morris.

7) Timeouts just before game deciding, last second kicks. In a manly game it's the one of the most pansy things coach can do. Either you can count on your special teams to make a block or you can't. Get over it.

8) Reality shows with famous married couples. The public already considers celebrity marriages to be half a sham, but now every reality show featuring a famous couple ends in divorce. I give Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight 2 more years, max.

9) Terrestrial radio. I've never found a form of entertainment so worthless after switching the medium that provides it.

I'm sure there are more but you get the idea. Have a Happy New Year!


Skurny said...

I love the fact that you've now ranted about "Buick Portholes" twice on this blog now.

Man the battle stations! JOB is coming down hard on Portholes in 2008! For America!

Brown Buddy said...

can I go ahead and add the word "Bracketology" as well as individuals who use it? God I hate them all.