The Sooner I Leave, the Better: What I've Learned in 2 weeks in Oklahoma

Get it? Sooner? Ha

As you may or not be aware, I've been in Kansas/Oklahoma for the past two weeks (working in KS, but my hotel is in OK). Its been an interesting two weeks. Lets take a look see at what I've learned thus far...

-Every chick is named Tammy

-Every dude is named Scott, Matt or Chad

-apparently there is this band called "Seether" that is just beyond huge down here. They play this song on the radio constantly where, in the chorus, the lead singer refers to someone as "such a f*cking hipocrite" but they edit out the "f word", but not enough to where we don't know what he's saying. I thought this was the bible belt!!??
-the indian casinos are abundant. There was even a mini one attached to a truck stop where I got gas yesterday, just north of Ponca City OK. Played two hands of Pai Gow after I filled the tank

-before getting here, I assumed all Oklahomans looked, talked and acted exactly like famous resident Brian Bosworth. Turns out I was absolutely right

-there are places called "Ponca City". No joke!

-at the aforementioned indian Casinos, it is required to play a 50 cent ante along with every blackjack hand, regardless of the size of your bet. This was a very clever maneuver...as I found it more worthwhile to play $10 hands, as opposed to the $2 minimum. Still, F them for making me do that.

-I'll pause for a moment so some of you can google "Brian Bosworth"

-70MPH Speed limits on backwoods country roads are commonplace. As is driving 40MPH on said roads.

-good looking people are banned from both states. Anyone who wants to present evidence to the contrary, please feel free. I thought my server at a restaurant yesterday was going to apologize for being so homely. I know this sounds mean...but you just had to have been there. I tipped her well, don't worry

-due to the aforementioned observation, I find that I'm talking myself into some of the most mediocre-looking people you could possibly imagine. I sh*t you not, two nights ago I got carryout from a BBQ joint down the street from my hotel, and the hostess, probably not a day older than 20, gave me a flirtatious smile after handing me my babyback rib combo (w/ fried okra and cole slaw...lemonaid to drink). After walking to my car, I thought about running back in and asking her out. After that came a tailspin of strange thoughts- how creeped out would she be if I asked her if she wanted to come back to my hotel and watch Disney Channel? (more on disney channel in a moment) What if we started dating? What if we engaged in sexual acts...but for the soul purpose of me having a funny story for Steve when I got home? What would her friends think of me? Would they think of me as being sophistacted and refined, because I live in Chicago? Or are people from big cities considered creepy and borderline gay? Would it be impressive to her if I knew all the words to a Seether song? Would she be impressed if I told her I knew a girl from Belgium? I kid you not, these thoughts all went through my head.

-there are billboards everywhere for this show on Disney Channel called "Hannah Montana" or something. And by accident last week (and by this point, I would freely admit it if it were on purpose), I caught about 10 minutes of this show. My first thought was, who is this dad character trying to be? A scaled down 21st century version of Billy Ray Cyrus? Then...to my shock, the ending credits rolled, and I realized it was actually Billy Ray Cyrus. Then the chick that played Hannah Montana that suspiciously no one referred to even once as "Hannah" was played by someone called "Miley Cyrus" who after some digging, turned out to be Billy Ray's daughter. Ok, all kidding aside, when was it ultimately decided that Billy Ray Cyrus does not frighten small children, and thus, is deserving of a starring role on apparently the highest rated sitcom on cable TV?

-I'll pause so you can finish reading the history of The Rib Crib in Tulsa OK

-I'm 99% sure that when the pregnant teens here are about to give birth, they all go through the same thought process: "well I want my baby to stand out...and be different! But not too different...I don't want to give her a name that'll get her made fun of at school. What if...what if I just switch out the 'y' with an 'i'? I'm pretty sure I'm the first pregnant teen to think of that!!" Thus...the preponderance of names like Wendi, Tami, Cari, and Mindi. Its like the poetic license of every white trash pregnant teenager. I can't get enough of it

-the following technologies and/or innovations are either undiscovered, or rendered completely unnecessary in the Bartlesville, Oklahoma area:

-water pressure
-picture messaging
-DVR (when I mentioned my DVR to my bartender, Scott, he looked at me like I had 3 heads)
-cruise control (neither of my rental cars had functioning CC)
-staying on 12 when the dealer is showing 6. Unconscionable!!
-wearing a tie (swear on my life, haven't seen one person in a tie yet. I still have 24 hours left here...I'll let you know if anything changes in that department)


-And finally, one of the more disturbing trends is the existence of a christian church across the street or next door to every sinning depot (bar, casino, strip club, Walmart, etc.) I found this highly amusing...as it could very easily be a feature in something like SimCity. Not unlike how, in that game, you could strategically place a police station to keep the crime low in industrialized, low income areas (read: ghetto), apparently the city planners, in conjunction with the baptist churches, have determined that seeing a church next door might deter Scott/Chad/Matt from stuffing a roll of quarters down Tammy's g-string.

I feel like all of these things should be printed on a tourist brochure for Oklahoma. Its faaaantastic!

happy hump day kids

Info-Hound -- by J.O.B.

So, I don't know about you, but I've never been one to limit myself to one area of interest. While I'm familiar with the old adage of "Jack of all trades, master of none," I still like knowing a lot about a lot of things. I don't need to master all the stuff I like to read about, but I like to be knowledgeable. It's great for networking as you never know what that contact you need to make is interested in.

Car Stuff
The small crossover SUV market is hot and popular in the Chicago area. Not one to be left out in the cold, Nissan drops the Rogue here in the next couple of weeks, but they announced pricing today. The fully loaded, AWD, top of the line SL version will undercut the competition (Rav4 and CR-V) with a price point under $27K. Details here:
http://www.autoblog.com/2007/09/17/nissan-prices-rogue-at-19-250/

Random Tech
The future is upon us. I never knew who David Hanson was before, but I do now. Zeno, his new "robot-boy" is kind of eerie looking. 18 inches tall, 6 lb. with facial recognition capabilities and a whole slew of talents, check out Zeno in motion as well as David Hanson's other neat robotic cache:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q88FK37Q8jU
http://www.hansonrobotics.com/

All About The Benjys
Nobody does original like Dubai. They make the coolest (or oddest depending on your taste) looking buildings and islands. Wait - did he say islands? That's right, if you haven't seen it yet, you've got to check this out. You can actually buy an island off the Dubai coast that has been made to look like a Country. Many have already been purchased (and some given away i.e. Michael Schumacher,) but many are still available: http://www.theworld.ae/

Silver Screen
I'm a sucker for the big-name action blockbuster as much as any XY-chromosomer out there, but there's always a place in my heart for the good, independent (or independent-looking) movie. Fox Searchlight puts out a lot of independent crap, but Juno looks like it's money. Jason Reitman directs (yes, Ivan's kid,) and the cast includes Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Ellen Page, Allison Janney, Rainn Wilson, J.K. Simmons and Michael Cera. Oh, dramatic themes with comedic dialogue to tell a coming of age tale. On December 14th, I'm a sucker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4vKs4pGsnM

Celebrealidiocy
The Emmy Awards were last night and while I'll skip commenting on any particular person's attire, I'll happily let this site do it for me. I will say that I'm always amazed at the wierd features I notice on actors on the red carpet that I don't necessarily spot in their movie or tv roles. Such as the size of someone's head in relation to their body, etc. Peep this link but I'll warn that not all of the comments are particularly PG, or containing any taste:
http://thesuperficial.com/2007/09/59th_annual_primetime_emmy_awa.php